You know those periods in life when everything around you
seems to be closing in on you? As if you are crawling deeper into a tunnel and that beam of light shining through is narrowing in on you, soon to disappear,
leaving you entrenched with the thick of lonely darkness?
I've had plenty of these moments since being home the past 2
months.
Let's just call it what it is: Brokenness.
July 2011. Living in Cambodia. I prayed for brokenness, knowing
full well that God would answer my not-so-light-hearted prayer for brokenness.
I wanted this depth and intimacy with Him that would create complete dependence
on Him. So the only prayer I knew to pray at that time to get me to that place
with Him was brokenness.
5 months later: December 2011. Visiting home in the States. Complete brokenness.
Without going into too many personal details at this point,
here's what I'll share:
I've pretty much felt bipolar the past couple months.
Emotions constantly up and down. Battlefield of the mind. Fears, doubts, lies,
and words of death spoken over me play over in my mind like blaring white
noise.
Take captive every thought. Focus. Fix my eyes on Him. Take
captive every thought. Fight. Stand firm. Pray.
Enter the Spirit. Words of truth block out the white noise.
Promises flood my mind of the future He has set before me. Peace covers me like a
thick blanket. In the presence of my Love.
On and on this goes. Back and forth. Truth and lies. Emotions up and
down. Joy and despair.
There was a point I felt so all-over-the place that I cried
out to God, "When will I just feel back to my normal self? I'm sick of being
depressed, I just want my joy back!"
Honestly, with as broken as I've been, I have not been satisfied in anything other than God. The moment I shift my gaze away from Him, I lose it. There are just too many uncertainties and chaotic things going on in my life right now. So, again, I fix my eyes to Him, as I frustratedly think, "Why is it so hard for me to continually fix my eyes on Him? When I've seen a glimpse, why would I ever want to look away!?"
Then I had a paradigm shift as I thought....
What a priviledge. We
get to choose God. Not just once when we make a choice to be in relationship
with His son, Jesus. But daily. Hourly. And sometimes (for me lately) every 10 minutes.
Isn't this what God desires!? For us to continually choose
Him? To continually put Him above all else in our lives? Our family, friends,
marriage, children, routine, habits, addictions...?
He purposely created us with free will, with choice. He didn't
create us as robots who would love Him. He wanted us to choose to be in
relationship with Him. And it's not a one time choice. It's a daily, dying to
self, seeking Him above all else and choosing Him before we choose anything
else.
How pleasing it must be for the King of Kings, enthroned in
all of His glory, when His beloved child seeks Him and those moments when His
child continually chooses Him.
A love that can never be separated.
38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, 39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord. - Romans 8:38-39
This phrase has always haunted me since the
moment I heard it. It is a Cambodian proverb:
"Men
are like gold; Women are like white cloth."
meaning:
Once a girl is stained, (no longer a virgin),
she is never looked at the same. She no longer has any value or worth in
society. She is looked down upon and disregarded as a human being by both men
and women. She is literally considered ruined
and degraded - used goods - pretty much good for nothing.
However, with men, since they are like gold,
if they have a stain, it is easily wiped away, never have affecting the original
piece of gold - still holding its original value. Much different than that of a
white cloth which cannot be cleaned of a stain.
You see, this isn't just a quote or silly
Cambodian proverb. It is very much the way of life and belief here in Cambodia. In Khmer culture, women are not valued; in fact they are devalued.
I used to be absolutely haunted and devastated
by this phrase. You ask any Khmer girl and they have heard this phrase. But what's
more frightening: they haven't just heard this phrase their entire lives, they identify with it. What!? Everything in
my heart screams out, "NO! It is not true!! I don't care how many people have
told you this or how your entire society and culture points to this as
truth..it is FALSE! It is a LIE! YOU have VALUE and YOU have WORTH!! Don't
believe them!!" But yeah...it's not quite that simple.
My question from day one of living in Cambodia
has always been, "How do you change the mindset of an entire culture or
nation!?"
Aren't there things in every society that are
engrained in us that are rooted in lies if they are not lies in and of
themselves?
Oh and of course, it's not just this phrase.
There are many more, such as: Men can be cured of AIDS if they sleep with a
virgin. Umm...WHAT!? And this one: Once a woman marries a man, it is understood that she always has a bag or suitcase packed and ready for the day that she cannot stand her husband cheating on her anymore. !!!!!!! This is not okay!!
When is it okay for a young child to be sold
for a bag of rice or a small amount of money!?
When is it okay for a young child to be sold
by his/her own family member (usually mother, grandmother, aunt or family
friend)!?
When is it okay for a woman to think it is okay to sell her body?
NEVER. NEVER. NEVER. NEVER!!!!
But can you blame them? When poverty is at its
finest and ALL of society and family pressures the women in the household to provide and be the breadwinners for their
families...what choices are left for these young girls to make?
What is the
quickest, easiest way to provide for your family?
What is the quickest, easiest
way to provide for your siblings to go to school to get a decent education
while you are stuck working to provide for your family, all the while hoping
not to repeat the cycle of poverty that inevitably will not ever go away!?
Unfortunately, selling one's body. Or selling your own child.
It's sickening. It's devastating. And it's the reality of the women and children I work with every single day. It is also the reality of my dear friend who I met in the bars several months ago.
I just cannot fathom these beautiful and
precious Cambodian women living in such filth and lies their entire lives. It
is so devastating.
However, the longer I think about all of this, I am constantly reminded of a man who was
mocked, ridiculed, cast out of society, alienated and stained. Is it not ironic
that Jesus went through much of the same things we face!? HE became stained -
in OUR place.
He bore ALL of our sins. Not just yours. Not just mine. But the
weight of ALL of the sins of EVERY person. I try to sit in that for a moment
and yet I still can't even fathom that at this point...
That is an incomprehensible
amount of sins...SO much weight and enough of a burden for Jesus (who is both human AND god), moments before
his death, to find himself alone for a moment in time crying out to His Abba
Father, sweating tears of blood,
asking God to take this 'cup' away from Him...IF it is His Father's will....which in
His heart, Jesus was so in tune with the Father that He knew he had to go
through with this death...(Luke 22:42-44) to save all of mankind...because that is just how much God truly loves us..that He would send His one and only son to literally die for us..and not a peaceful death in His sleep like we all envision and hope our lives will peacefully end. No...!! A horrific, painful, outright nasty death. All to show the unconditional love that God has for his sinful children who He desires to be in relationship with.
Now that's a lot to take in...
I am humbled beyond belief as I'm reminded of God's love and Jesus' obedience and this one shot at life that God has blessed me with.
To come to realize that I am currently alive and breathing as I'm typing this blog, all so that I can worship the One who created and loves me. I have purpose in this life and God has plans for my life...all pointing back to Himself so that HE is glorified..not me. Not you. Not anyone reading my blogs. Not anyone in my life. Not my friends, nor my family. HE is the One who gets the glory. HE is the Creator.
He created ME (and you!) for HIMSELF....
(I know we hear it all the time and some people don't like to admit it, but honestly the TRUTH is that NOTHING about this life here on planet Earth is about YOU or ME! It's all about HIM. We were created to worship and glorify Him. That's what this life here on earth is all about. Nothing less.)
Through all of this and through the Cambodian culture that I have been
living in for the past year, through the many horrific stories of the many women that I have been ministering to, I
am no longer in a state of hopelessness and despair.
This Christmas I am reminded of Jesus' love
for these women, this nation, and all nations, and His love for me.
His Death...
His Resurrection...
And His Coming...!
"He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and
his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on
white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean..." - Revelation 19:13-14
Her name is "Sreypow" (name
has been changed). Her silky straight dark hair falls neatly as her smile
is plastered across her face. She is 27 yrs old.
I met her in the red light district of Phnom Penh last
night.
Sreypow stood in front of me with the tall white haired
foreign man (in his 50s?) standing close by her side. They were on their way to
get beer together....(atleast that is what she told me).
At first I was hesitant to start speaking Khmer to her, so I
stood back to observe and to pray as the guys in my group talked to the man and
another guy that came up. There were 9 of us standing together chatting.
Then....I decided it was time.
"Bongsry, chmoouh aye?" Miss, what is your name?
"Knyon chmoouh Sreypow." My name is Sreypow.
And our Khmer conversation began...
I spoke with her for the next 30 minutes and she began
opening up to me in her heart language. Although she could speak some phrases
of English because of working at the western bar across the street, she found
comfort in speaking Khmer with me.
"How long
have you been working at that bar?" I asked as I pointed across the street.
"Four
months" she replied.
"Do you
like working there?" I asked.
She half
smiled as her head hung low, "No. But I need to provide for my family."
I slowly
nodded and said, "I understand."
"My mother
doesn't know that I work at a bar. When I bring home money, she always asks
where the money comes from and I tell her from the customers in the restaurant
I work at" she stated.
"If your
mother knew what kind of work you do, how would she feel?" I asked.
Sreypow
responded, "She would die."
"If money
was not a problem and you could have any job that you wanted, where would you
work or what would you do?" I asked Sreypow.
"I would
be a teacher and teach little kids," she replied with a big smile.
"Did you
go to school when you were younger?" I asked.
She
responded, "Yes, I studied through grade 12."
"Oh! So
you could be a teacher if you wanted! You are educated." I said.
"Yes, I
used to teach before I came to work here at the bar," she said. "But now I need
money to provide for my mother because she is 60yrs old and she is very sick.
She has heart problems."
Sreypow went on to tell me that her father died when she was
a small child and that she had no other siblings. This is almost unheard of. On
average, most Khmer families have atleast 5 children. She told me a lot more about her life and how she met a foreign man earlier this year who fell in love with her and bought her many gifts. He went home but will come back to be with her for two weeks next month. She is masked by this so called "love."
Because of the pressure from family and society, most women in Cambodia are forced into or sold into the sex trade to provide for their families. Women are the providers in this culture.
Sreypow is trapped in a world of most women here in Cambodia...
Cambodian society and culture says that..
Women have no value. Women have no dignity. Women are the providers for their family. Women are like white cloth and men are like gold. White cloth can easily be stained and gold is always shiny and perfect. Women do not have a voice. Women have little to no rights. Women are disposable.
In Jesus culture...God says:
Women have value and are valued. Women have worth. Women have dignity. Women are loved. Women have a voice. Women have dignity.
Thank you God, that after 11 months, You allowed me to have a heart to heart conversation with your precious daughter last night...in her heart language. Please protect her and help her to know that despite everything that her culture tells her....she is loved. She has value and worth. She is the daughter of the Most High KING! She is a princess and she has an inheritance awaiting her. I pray that she comes to know You, Lord.
I have always known this. But man, the past month or so as
God has been putting me through the fire, chipping away, refining me...I have
been drawing closer and closer to Him. It has been incredible. Honestly, it's been really really hard...yet I find myself asking God for more and more.
more fire. more heat. more breakthrough. more of Him. for Him to expand my love. to pour more and more into me so that my cup overflows onto others.
And through all of the tears, all of the heartbreak and breakthroughs, all of the revelations....I find myself facedown in front of my true love. I cannot stop worshipping and praising Him. For all of it. For the pain, the trials, the joy amidst the suffering. the opposition. the blessings. His unending love for me.
And I realize that no matter how unworthy I am, how messed up, how much I fall short....
He never gives up on me. He never stops pursuing me.
As my team was praying together this morning, Amarja started praying for this Khmer couple that we befriended months ago. They were our neighbors at our previous house. The girl has been working at a beer garden* around the corner, selling herself in order to provide for her family.
As Amarja was praying for this couple, these dear friends of ours, I started to get frustrated because I have wanted them so badly to come to know Christ. I want them to know how much God truly loves them. As I was struggling with frustrations of them not coming to know Christ, I was instantly reminded of God's pursuit for them.
Here I am... 6 months after knowing this couple ..getting antsy. Yet, here is God...who has known both of them before birth... 30+ yrs ago ...and He is still pursuing them. He is still after their hearts. He has never given up on them and He never will give up on them. How could I be so impatient after only 6 months!?
I was instantly taken aback by the overwhelming amount of love God truly has...and is. We cannot fathom it. We throw the word and the meaning around all the time as if we know, as if we truly understand, but the thing is...we never will. We'll never come to realize the infinite depth of His love for us. Because we weren't made to. We were only created to understand so much. Our understanding is finite. God's love is infinite. Rest in that for a minute...
I can honestly say that I am madly, madly in love with Jesus. Honestly...like never before. HE is all I want and I just want more and more and more of Him. I am craving Him. I cant stop worshipping and praising Him. I am being romanced by a King and it is the most amazing thing ever. I cannot even imagine what heaven is going to be like..
"My lover is mine and I am His..." Song of Songs 2:16
38 "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." - Romans 8:38-39
He's calling my name. I hear the voice, the voice of the one I love He's calling my name. He's saying, come up higher, you'll hear the angels sing. Come up higher my beloved, Come up higher and leave this world behind. You'll find me to be beautiful I am running, running after You You become my souls delight I am running, running after You, Here with You I find my life One thing have I desired, this will I seek after To dwell in Your house forevermore Now I'm running after, the thing that really matters You've become my joy and song.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You are so beautiful There is none that compares to You Who can take my brokenness and make something new? Only You You're beautiful to me You will be my song for all eternity You're overtaking every part of me You're beautiful to me Merciful Father There is none that compares to You Who can take my bitterness And make something sweet? Only You And I am left in awe of You
*Beer
gardens here in Cambodia look like a normal restaurant. However, when you first
walk in, there are chairs lined up on either side of the entry-way and women
who are dressed up sitting in the chairs. Each customer (99% are Khmer men) are
escorted to the tables inside by the women. The customers can request any woman
to sit with them. Here, the men are able to touch the women and buy them drinks. Most times they take the women to guest houses after the beer garden closes and do as they wish. Many times the women are forced to leave with the men.
Last weekend, we spent our monthly debrief in Malaysia for 3 days. It was the first time that any of us had been there. We ran around Kuala Lumpur and all fell in love with that city! There were parks, with real grass that we could stand on, sit on, lay in, roll around and run on! This is unheard of in Phnom Penh. They have several patches of grass that you arenot allowed to stand on. Let's just say that we've been grass deprived. So we thoroughly enjoyed all of thebeautiful nature that Kuala Lumpur had to offer!
Being in Malaysia was an incredible blessing - God showed up in SO many awesome ways - providing so much for us!
Malaysia is predominantly a Muslim nation. And being that it isRamadanthis month, we witnessed a lot of interesting cultural and religious things! We were able to talk to some Muslims and ask them about their Islamic faith. We were in a country where the majority of women wore hijabs (head coverings). It was so interesting to me. Because it is Ramadan, the Muslims fast until sundown. They also pray five times a day. I remember walking through the malls around dinner time and seeing all of the restaurants packed with families sitting down with food filling the tables. However, not one person was eating the meal placed in front of them. They were all waiting for the sun to go down. Eventually there would be an announcement made throughout the mall telling everyone that they could now eat. I was really intrigued by all of this!
Not to mention that the Chinese were also celebrating the Ghost Festival as well this month. They believe that ghosts are free to roam the earth for entertainment and that these ghosts are ancestors of those who never paid tribute to them when they died or who never received a proper send off when they died.
We had many adventures in the short time we were running round KL.
Petronas Towers
On Sunday morning, after walking in random neighborhoods for 2 hours , we finally found Bridge International Church where my World Race friends, Dave & Ashli Brown are now serving. They recently left their homes in America to move half way around the world to KL to serve with this church.Dave is the new youth pastor! They are newlyweds who have their first baby on the way! They are true examples of Christ and I am blessed to know them.
After church, we were blessed to have met two older women who starting speaking truth and encouragement into each of our lives. They treated us to lunch and we all shared our testimonies of how we came to know Jesus. It was great. We were reminded of 2 Timothy where it talks about older women encouraging younger women and older men encouraging the younger men. I have always longed for a mentor in my life...an older, wiser woman to speak truth into my life and to challenge me in my walk with the Lord. These 2 women reminded me of what a huge blessing it is to have older, wiser women in my life.
All in all, our time in Malaysia was packed with an incredible time of fun, bonding and memory-making! We are
all huge fans of the city! God showed up in some pretty awesome ways, providing
for our every need...from bringing older women into our lives to speak truth over
us, free car rides to different places, free massages in one of the many
insanely huge malls they have in the city, free lunch meal, etc. He never
ceases to amaze me! =)
You know those prayers that people pray, "God use me.
Wreck me. Break me." Some would call them "dangerous" prayers. For me, these
kinds of prayers are vital to my growth. About a month and a half ago, I was
really looking for a challenge. I wanted more. I was craving depth and
intimacy. I desired so much more of my Lord.
I was spending time in worship and prayer and I began to
write, "God, please purge me of the filth
that is inside of me. Continue to transform me. Wreck me. Break me." I knew
exactly what I was praying for and I had a feeling I knew what might be coming,
ha =) It might sound crazy, but I desire hardships.
challenges. tough times. I like to be on the frontlines. I have this warrior
spirit inside of me that many times wants to unleash and kick some butt (and
most times that happens through prayer and intercession - not necessarily
through guns or samurai swords =) I desire pain & suffering (to a certain
extent).....not because I enjoy pain and suffering. I don't know anyone who does.
But I know enough to know that through the
pain and suffering I come to the end of my self.
Being in the fire brings me to a
place of refining, renewal and beauty. Yeah it hurts. It's hard. It is painful.
But when I am on my knees before the Lord because I have come to the end of my self, I have nothing left to do but
worship the One I am lying facedown in front of. I do not come to that place often enough.
You see, when I prayed for God to stir up the junk in my
heart a month and a half ago, He heard me and He began to do just that. He has
been taking me on a journey of my past - from before birth until the present...of
traumatic events, lies, rejection, generational sins, pain and suffering that I
have gone through...the past 26 years of my life. It's a long journey - there is a lot of junk. We are still digging and uprooting. God is completely healing and
restoring all of those broken memories, those shattered pieces of my heart that
He intended to be pure and whole. He has been using all of the pain in my life
and in my past for His good and has shown me where He was in each of those
events. He was always right there with
me. Even before I knew Him! He
was there. He is still here! He has
promised that He will never leave nor forsake me.
And then
God gave me this picture:I was
sitting on a white horse while it was raining. I was covered in dirt and as the
rain was pouring down, I was soaking wet and the dirt started washing down my
entire body, turning into mud and staining the white horse. This beautiful,
perfect, white horse was turning dark brown, becoming stained by the dirt that
was covering me as I was being washed clean.
What a beautiful picture of who Jesus is to me. HE is the
One who bore all of my sins and my shame. I am the one who is imperfect,
unclean and stained. Yet God chose His
One and only Son to be the one to take on all of my filth upon Himself so that
I could be clean, unstained and pure! Um..what??! What did I do to deserve
this? Absolutely nothing!
1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law was powerless to do in that it was weakened by the sinful nature, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful man to be a sin offering. And so he condemned sin in sinful man,4 in order that the righteous requirements of the law might be fully met in us, who do not live according to the sinful nature but according to the Spirit.5 Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.6 The mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the Spirit is life and peace; 7 the sinful mind is hostile to God. It does not submit to God's law, nor can it do so. 8 Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God.9 You, however, are controlled not by the sinful nature but by the Spirit, if the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he does not belong to Christ. 10 But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness. 11And if the Spirit of him who raised Jesus from the dead is living in you, he who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through his Spirit, who lives in you. 12 Therefore, brothers, we have an obligation--but it is not to the sinful nature, to live according to it.13 For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live,14 because those who are led by the Spirit of God are sons of God.15 For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear, but you received the Spirit of sonship. And by him we cry, ""Abba," Father."16 The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.
18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.19 The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. 20For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. 23 Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies.24 For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? 25 But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.26 In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. 27 And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will.
28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.29 For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the likeness of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers. 30 And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified.31 What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?32 He who did not spare his own Son, but gave him up for us all--how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things? 33 Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is he that condemns? Christ Jesus, who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?36 As it is written: "For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerorsthrough him who loved us.38 For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers,39 neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
Most of you already know that I fell in love with
2 precious boys (who are best
friends) 2 yrs ago. Both of their families had been living in one of the
slums on the outskirts of the capitol city, Phnom Penh. One of the boys,
Meakara, and his family have since moved to a province extremely far away and I
have not seen him since.
The other boy, Dara, and his family are still
living in the slum and I love to visit them.
Yesterday I had the opportunity to visit Dara's
mother at one of the many hospitals here in the city. She gave birth to a
beautiful, healthy little girl this past weekend. This is her 4th
child. She now has 2 lovely boys, Dara and his younger brother, Veasna,
sandwiched in between the 2 beautiful girls, the oldest one being 10 yrs old
and the youngest now 3 days old.
I took Uloma with me yesterday to meet the
newborn. As soon as I peeked my head into their hospital room, Dara turned
around from his mom's bed and greeted me with a ginormous smile. I ran up to
him, reciprocating the same ginormous smile and then greeted his mother who was
sitting next to her newborn baby.
I said to Dara, "Veasna null nah?" (Where is
Veasna?) in which he simply replied, "Veasna null sahla." (Veasna is at
school). So I said, "Hateye Dara aht tull sahla?!" (Why did you not go to
school?!) in which his mother replied, "Goat jong chewup bongsry null mun tee
payit beprewuh goat dung bongsry mow taneye nee." (He wanted to see you because
he knew you were coming to the hospital today). Of course my heart instantly
melted. Here is the boy that I fell in love with 2 yrs ago who is now 4
inches taller, who I am able to see whenever I want now that I live in the same
city as him, who has this innocence about him...who holds a special place in my
heart. And I find it highly amusing that every time I visit him, Dara will only
speak a few words to me. He lights up every time I come, yet he is too shy to
speak to me. He is just so precious.
Oh to be in this family's presence again. There
is just something about this family that draws me near to the Lord. Every time
I visit them, I can feel God's love gushing forth for them and for me. It seems
as though each time I visit this precious family, the walls of language barriers
seem to slowly crumble as I am learning to speak more and more of their heart
language. Before, I could hardly contain myself with the joy that God provided. I would sit with this family with an ear to ear smile running across my face. Few words were spoken. Not much more than the simplicity of love and joy were exchanged.
We now speak the same language. I am honored to be able to share my heart with them in their native language and to now understand them.
My heart melted some more as I sat on the floor next to the hospital bed and watched Dara stand next to the bed by his 3 day old sister, gently stroking her head and kissing her cheek.
As I 'oowed' and 'ahhhed' over the newborn baby
sleeping in front of me, I quietly prayed over her. As I prayed over her, I
thought back to my hour of prayer earlier that morning in which God burdened my
heart for the children of this nation. I spent an hour earlier that morning
crying out on behalf of those children who are locked in brothels, who are sold
as virgins, repeatedly raped and resewn over and over to be resold as virgins
again and again. When I sit and actually sit and dwell on that - when my mind
is somewhat able to comprehend a glimpse of what that must be like..I am found
on my knees crying out for them. For their innocence. For their safey and
protection. To say that my heart breaks for them is a huge understatement.
Words cannot describe. How does one even begin
to put themselves in the shoes of a 5yr old boy or girl going through this
hell? And for them, at such a young age, to think that this is normal, or that they were destined to
this sort of miserable life of torment. How can it be!?
My flesh sees nothing but pain and hopelessness.
But my Spirit sees healing, restoration, hope and a new life that is soon to
come.
So as kneeled down next to the hospital bed in
front of this beautiful baby, I started warring on behalf of this 3 day
old baby girl. I prayed that God would protect her from all of the evil all
around her. I prayed that God would protect her from the corruption of this
culture and from the innocence that is stolen from so many young kids in this
nation, especially little girls. I prayed that God would send his angels to
encompass her at all times and that she would live out the life that God has
purposed for her, not falling into the darkness that so many have been engulfed
in. I prayed that she would come to know Jesus and would understand that love
that He has for her and her family.
Dara's mom told me that they have not yet named
this precious girl, so Uloma and I named her, លីឡ្នា,
Grace. We could both feel the favor that God has for this girl. He is going to
bestow an inheritance of abundance on her life. Laying there so innocently and
unaware, she is accepted. She is loved. She is chosen. Her father is a King and she has been
deemed a princess of the Most High King. The crown of life awaits her. I wonder what she will do when she finds out...!
1 The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners,2 to proclaim the year of the LORD's favorand the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion-- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of his splendor.4 They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations. 5 Aliens will shepherd your flocks; foreigners will work your fields and vineyards. 6 And you will be called priests of the LORD, you will be named ministers of our God. You will feed on the wealth of nations, and in their riches you will boast. 7 Instead of their shame my people will receive a double portion, and instead of disgrace they will rejoice in their inheritance; and so they will inherit a double portion in their land, and everlasting joy will be theirs. 8 "For I, the LORD, love justice; I hate robbery and iniquity. In my faithfulness I will reward them and make an everlasting covenant with them. 9 Their descendants will be known among the nations and their offspring among the peoples. All who see them will acknowledge that they are a people the LORD has blessed."10 I delight greatly in the LORD; my soul rejoices in my God. For he has clothed me with garments of salvation and arrayed me in a robe of righteousness, as a bridegroom adorns his head like a priest, and as a bride adorns herself with her jewels. 11 For as the soil makes the sprout come up and a garden causes seeds to grow, so the Sovereign LORD will make righteousness and praise spring up before all nations.
Last night, a few of my teammates and I went on outreach withMST ministry here in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. We have had the opportunity to volunteer with them a number of times throughout our past 8 months of living here.
I love the heart behind this ministry. MST stands for "Men and the Sex Trade" and reaches out to men in the sex light districts in different locations around the world.
Taken from their website:
"It is our responsibility to go to these men, when very few will, and bring the love of God to them in an area where they least expect it, by those whom they least expect it from. These men are like us, and it is our hope that these men will experience the love and the hope that is found in a relationship with Him.God is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance. This includes men in red-light districts."
Last night there were more people than usual on our every other Friday night outreach because we had a group of YWAMers that joined with us. This YWAM team of 5 girls and 2 guys were great. They have been volunteering at Daughters with us for the past 2 weeks or so. Although we did not spend enough time together, I really felt like I connected with them. They did their DTS in New Zealand and are on their way around the world. They are currently serving in Southeast Asia and in August they will graduate from their DTS in Israel on the Mount of Olives! I really felt like the journey that they are on was very similar to my World Race journey in 2009. It is so encouraging to meet others in my generation rising up, serving, loving and being the hands and feet of Jesus around the world.
I keep telling people that the more I travel, the smaller the world seems. This YWAM team had 2 people from Oahu, so I felt like I got a little taste of home and was really able to connect with them. Thank you God =)
Before the 13 or so of us split up into groups, we had a time of orientation, accountability and prayer. I really felt God calling me to go out on the streets, not so much to talk to the men, but to pray and intercede for the things I would see and feel around me. So I went with my new teammate, Uloma, and three other guys down one of the main bar streets downtown while another team of 6 went down another street closeby.
Before our 2 teams left, I was praying and asked God to give me specifics for the night. He gave me:
* Frank
* 88
* we will talk to 13 men tonight
Uloma and I were standing by our 3 guys just taking everything in - the loud music coming from each of the bars that surrounded us, the motos that were racing by, the ladyboys in front of us in short skin tight dresses walking out of the bar across the street, the Khmer women walking drunkly arm in arm with older foreign men, tuk tuk drivers waiting to take the men and women to guesthouses, security guards outside the bars, and the list goes on.
As we prayed, we were sensing a lot of the same things. I ended up seeing the number 88 on two different motos - didnt know what it meant, so I just prayed for the people that would be getting on those motos after their time in the bars.
And then we noticed a man eating by himself and I really felt like he was lonely, lost and searching for something. We saw him walk up and down the street and then come back to the same table to eat again. He was eyeing us and then just stood up and starting walking straight toward us. One of our guys started talking to him and ended up having a long conversation with him - just getting to know him and loving on him, while our guy also shared bits and pieces of his story. Such a great opportunity. No, his life wasn't changed. He didn't fall to his knees, repent and become saved. But he was thinking..he was thinking a lot. And I truly believe that a seed was planted. And we found out that he is heading to Bangkok where one of our men lives and does outreach in Bangkok...so maybe they will meet again and the seed that was planted last night will be watered next week by the same man.
There were a lot of men out last night and a lot of commotion going on down that street. However, only one guy stopped to talk to us. However, when we met up with the other team that did outreach on a street nearby...we come to find out they were on fire! They ended up talking to 12 men!! Which means, the 12 men they talked to and the 1 man we talked to...equalled the 13 men that God told me we would talk to before we even left to go on the streets.
We never did meet a "Frank" so I'm not sure what I was hearing during my prayer time before leaving, but I'm sure there was a man named Frank somewhere out there last night, and although we didn't meet him, he was covered in prayer.
A month or so ago, Amarja, one of the girls on my team needed to send an email to Daughters of Cambodia (the NGO we have been volunteering with here in Phnom Penh) and come to find out, she accidentally emailed a different non-profit organization also called "Daughters of Cambodia." This Daughters of Cambodia is a project addressing the enslavement and forced prostitution of women and children in Cambodia. It is a music project to tell their stories. The Daughters of Cambodia where we work is an organization reaching out to women who have been willing to come out of the sex trade to learn job skills and live a life of dignity and freedom.
Upon finding out about Leslie Sanazaro, the beautifully talented singer/songwriter from St. Louis, Missouri who started Daughters of Cambodia music project, she told Amarja that her husband and she would be coming to Cambodia in June!
So this week Leslie and her husband were invited to check out what Daughters of Cambodia is doing here in Phnom Penh. They were able to tour the training center where the girls learn how to sew and produce many different products for the Daughters shop/cafe downtown. Leslie sang some of her songs at our church service at the training center last Friday.
She was then invited to sing at the Daughters cafe in the afternoons this past Weds and Thurs, which is something that has never been done before. To see her heart
and compassion for the women and children in the sex trade was incredible. The passion that she had when she played keyboard and sang was unforgettable. It really moved not only the clients and staff at Daughters but the customers as well.
What a small world we live in - the connections that God makes and the people that He places in our paths. And by no coincidence at all.
Here Leslie and Alexis talk about their experience in Phnom Penh and a little bit about how my team and Daughters has been a part of their journey.
Check out her music on her website - there are free downloads! And check out her video below where she explains her "Daughters of Cambodia" music project.
Two girls on my team, Amarja and Uloma, were a part of the same church back home in Cali and they introduced me to this Lyricist Lounge that the church put on several times before. This is an incredible video that you should take the 5 minutes to watch!
On Sunday morning, after walking in random neighborhoods for 2 hours 
